Everything is Heavy

What is even happening right now?!? Honestly, people. I don’t know what I can even say on this platform that seems to bring any kind of comfort or peace for that matter. There is way too much going on across the globe. As an already anxious individual, my brain is possibly exploding. Haven’t had an MRI to confirm that yet. I know that my heart is racing. And some days I simply wake up anxious. I’m having nightmares more often and not sleeping great. Everything is just very heavy right now.

I have been called horrible things for simply wishing big pharma would open up and discuss other effective treatment options for the big C word, and make them available to doctors and nurses… to save more human lives. I guess that’s a bad thing? I’ve been watching our leaders ignore the fact that we have American citizens trapped in a country full of the tweeting Taliban army…yep they still have Twitter. Our military is dying over there. Our citizens are dying. Ya’ll I just can’t anymore. It’s so much. It’s painful to watch. And this country is still so stinking divided over everything. What is that saying again? Oh yes… “United we stand, divided we fall.” Yikes!

If you don’t see eye to eye with someone, that’s okay. We can disagree and still be kind to one another! Most humans on this earth want health and wellness. But we may not have the exact same views on how to get there. And that’s okay. This is all still new! We shouldn’t be calling people ugly names because they may want to explore a different road to healing than you do. Ultimately we want the same outcome I believe. But we must understand that no two human bodies are exactly alike. So let’s open our minds to hearing about other possibly wonderful breakthrough aid to help us in this health crisis instead of being so divided over it. Maybe the government’s solution isn’t the ONLY one out there. Maybe there are (gasp) several available and effective treatment options out there and we have to choose which one is right for our personal health and wellness. Remember, none of us have the same bodies, the same health history, the same DNA. This may never be a one size fits all scenario. Or in this case, one thing heals all.

Let’s pray for our fellow Americans to make it out alive of Afghanistan right now. The fact that there are American pastors willing and ready to see Jesus in a matter of days breaks me. They want protection for their families, their congregation. But they are planning to see their Savior soon. What bravery. Courage. I hope I can be like this one day. They are heroes. I am praying for their lives. For the lives of SO many in that country. Americans and Afghans alike. If this crisis doesn’t bring us to our knees, what will?

Please pray.

I have personally spoken to several nurses over these last few weeks. These people were heroes last year. Now they are people possibly losing their jobs over a personal health choice. (And I’ve been called a liar for this already so go look up Houston TX if you don’t believe me. The number was somewhere around 150.) But the threat is out there. We need these brave men and women in our healthcare system! We cannot afford to lose them! I cannot imagine what they’ve been through this past year. I appreciate each and every one of them. I know they are exhausted and that is an understatement. Let’s treat all of them with dignity and respect. They have families to provide for too. And they’ve literally put their lives on the line for us. Thank you doesn’t seem sufficient. And firing them is an injustice.

I am sorry if you have been lead to believe that our governing powers want what is best for us at all times. I used to be that person. I used to think that the people in power had my back. That they were looking out for me. And some are! Many are not. Look back in the Bible if you want proof of other corrupt government/leaders. Infanticide was happening way back then. Leaders like Saul were chasing good people like David, trying to kill them. Seriously. But we shake our heads and say no, that can’t happen today. We are so evolved and holy now. Right?!? Hmmmm….Jesus is the ONLY one who can save you, friends. Our worldly leaders may always be swayed by the mighty dollar or the perception of power and authority. It is part of our sin nature. Just because they lead the country doesn’t make them exempt from these temptations.

I’m going out on a huge limb to write this as it is totally different than my normal posts. I always fear the backlash and the name calling as that has already happened to me online for stating my opinions and sharing information that doesn’t align with the current narrative. My word for the year has been “Bold” and I have been in prayer about what to share and what to keep to myself. Haha! But all of these words are my own. Not my husband’s, not my parents. Mine. If you don’t agree with me, I’m okay with that. In fact, we can still be friends. I know. Shocking. I heard from a friend this week who told me he has lost so many dear friends over his viewpoints on certain current topics. Did you know that you can be friends with people you don’t agree with? But if you cross the boundary of being cruel then expect those friends to step aside because we literally can’t deal with any more hatred right now. We are doing nothing by fighting with one another online and behind our tablets. We all should be on our knees. Begging the Lord for His mercy and peace. For healing and becoming more unified. We could band together and uplift one another in prayer! That would do a lot more good right now than arguing.

I’ve been listening to a beautiful song called “Peace” lately. It’s by “Bethel Music” and “We the Kingdom.” Ya’ll. Put your headphones on, and take a listen. I know I need this song in my life right now. I thought maybe you would too. I will leave you with a verse and the lyrics to this song. Because even though there is a ton of scary stuff going on, Christ still sits on the throne. And we have direct access to Him. Direct access to the God of the Universe! If that’s not amazing, I don’t know what is. He’s a loving Father. He hears us. He listens to us. He wants to spend time with us! I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for Him. And I ask Him daily for His peace. So I know everything is heavy right now. Take a deep breath. Read this scripture verse and go listen to that song. And remember the God of the Universe reigns.

John 16:33 says, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Here are the lyrics to “Peace”:

When my mind is like a battlefield
And my heart is overcome by fear
And hope seems like a ship that’s lost at sea

My enemies on every side
And I’m tempted to run and hide
Your gentle whisper reaches out to me

Peace
Holds me when I’m broken
Sweet peace
That passes understanding
When the whole wide world is crashing down
I fall to my knees
And breathe in
Your peace

Fiery arrows whistling
The terror of the night sets in
But I can feel Your angels all around

I am resting underneath
The shelter of Your mighty wings
Your promises are where my hope is found
All my hope, yeah

Peace
Holds me when I’m broken
Sweet peace
That passes understanding
When the whole wide world is crashing down
I fall to my knees
And breathe in
Your peace

I remember who You are
You’re the God who’s never far
So I will not be afraid
God, You always keep me safe in Your arms

I remember who You are
You’re the God who’s never far
So I will not be afraid
God, You always, You always keep me safe

You give me peace
That holds me when I’m broken
Sweet peace
That passes understanding
When the whole wide world is crashing down
I fall to my knees
And breathe in

I breathe You, I breathe You in
Take a deep breath and be still
And know that You are God alone

So Unpopular

I was never the popular kid at school. I was never in the “cool” group of kids in the elementary and middle school I attended. In fact, many of the so called “popular” kids either acted like I didn’t exist, or were plain mean to my face. It was middle school though and I am sure many of these people are totally amazing human beings now. We were all fighting our own battles and figuring out what place we had on this earth. I do not hold judgment against them. I know I wasn’t always kind either. I could have and should have done a LOT of things better as well. But middle school is just a weird time for everyone. I was blessed with braces and glasses simultaneously and had some major seagull bangs going on. I was just a mess of awkward. I switched schools after ninth grade, went to a different high school, and made some really great friends. I was thankful for the switch even though I was initially terrified. But even in college, I wasn’t “cool.” I had plenty of amazing friends though and that’s all that mattered to me.

So this whole popular thing. I realize I have never really been popular nor is it a goal of mine. I am who I am. You see what you get. I spend most of my time trying to be more authentic and real. Give me real over popular any day of the week. I have been loved and I have been hated by so called Christians. I admit that sometimes it is easier for me to hang out with my dogs than people. None of my three pups judge me.

I realize as I get older and now have children of my own how I do not need to be popular. My children do not need to be popular. My faith and values are not necessarily popular, either. In fact, many of them may be considered controversial even. Scripture is not “progressive”. It does not change with the times. It remains the same, and this should be a comfort to us. But some people think it is old fashioned, unloving and just not popular.

So when I teach my kids what’s important, I don’t think I will tell them that being popular is important. Because it really isn’t. In fact, doing what’s unpopular can be what is actually true and right. Sadly, true and right are not the equivalent of cool in our current culture. And many may be shocked by this statement but we don’t have to agree with someone to show them kindness, love and respect.

I watched an awesome video of a young man helping out his teammate with Down syndrome on the basketball court. He could have easily shot a goal, but instead he handed the ball to his fellow teammate and helped him score a basket. He cared more about his friend having the experience of shooting a goal and gaining points for the team than he did about scoring the points himself. It was completely selfless but so long lasting and impactful for the child with special needs. I wish more of our world was like this. This is what should be popular.

I hope that I can carry the theme of standing up for what is true and right on to my children. That even when the popular kids are making fun of the kid with glasses, or the kid with disabilities, to be different and invite those children to sit with them at lunch. That even when the popular kids want to be reckless, that my children will want to remain above reproach. Even if this means they will be deemed “unpopular.” We need to remember there is a ton of false teaching out there, even in churches today. But that God’s Word stands the test of time. It is infallible. What God says is what He means. And Christ never asked us to be popular. He tells us to come as we are. Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28). What a promise! And speaking of popular, Jesus had a following of twelve sinners. Just twelve. In the end, the majority still chose Barabbas who was a criminal to be released from prison over pardoning Jesus.

I hope and pray that I will stand up for what is right, and that my children will as well. That we will not “progress” with the times because people think badly of us if we don’t conform to what is mainstream. I can only pray we will remain faithful to what is TRUE and righteous. I definitely need the Lord’s help with this though. Going against the mainstream isn’t easy. It seems like we are swimming uphill sometimes. But God.

I have a feeling I will be clinging to this Scripture verse over these next several years: Philippians 1:6 which says, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

The Battle with Anxiety, part 2

If you’re watching the Olympics right now, you’re seeing a lot more talk about mental health. Simone Biles, an incredible athlete, stepped down from some of the competition due to mental struggles. I’m not here to be on one side or the other about that decision and in my humble opinion, neither should anyone but her and her team. Only she knows what’s going on in her brain. I just know as someone who personally struggles with anxiety and panic, that I empathize with her and wish her all the best. (And I was really proud to see her get on that balance beam!) With that said, you’re never too old, too young, too famous, or too good for counseling or therapy.  God gave us ONE LIFE here on this earth.  Why the heck would you just suck it up and deal when you can make it better?  Do you think the Lord wants us to sit around and be miserable for the rest of our time here?  I don’t think that was His intent when He created us.  And how can we be fruitful for the kingdom if we are in a constant state of anxiety or depression?

You’re never going to be too Christian or too crunchy for medication, either. Sorry, but it’s true. Now, does everyone need medicine?  Of course not!!!  So many people get relief from regular exercise, diet changes and therapy alone!  But if that’s not enough, you’re not too holy to ask a doctor about taking something for it.  Sorry to burst that holy bubble.

When someone confides in you and tells you they have anxiety, please don’t treat them like a little glass doll.  And never start a sentence with, “well I know you struggle with anxiety, so…”  Nope.  We ALL struggle with it at some point in time and at some level.  That person is a regular human being.  Just be yourself. We can tell when you’re tip toeing. And it’s just awkward. If you’ve asked them to go out for a fun evening somewhere and they keep saying no, it’s okay. Ask if you can just go sit with them on their back porch for a coffee date instead! It may end up being the best afternoon you’ve had in a long time! 

I may get some hate mail for this blog post, but I honestly do not care.  The Lord has allowed me to grow and learn a lot through my anxiety and I will share whatever I can to help others.  So many people are suffering every day and need help for such a time as this.  If you need to talk to someone, do it.  If you need some medicine for a little while, go ask about it.  Stop making excuses.  Stop letting people make you feel lesser for your trials.  We all have trials.  They are all different and look different.  So hold one another up instead. 

Pray and ask the Lord to guide you.  To show you what you need.  There is help out there!  And it may not be in the first therapist you encounter. I’ve seen several. I’ve had to leave certain ones to go to others and sometimes the ones I’ve gone to have recommended I see someone else that can do a different technique to help me. So please don’t be discouraged if your first try isn’t super successful.  (Same goes for the medicine!)

Grab your headphones and turn on that bilateral music. Get up and go for a walk. Open the Bible and read the Psalms. Put on that Vetiver oil and breathe in deeply. It’s okay not to be okay, but there is hope. And help.

To my friends and family who have sat with me during a panic attack, I thank you. To my mom who used to sit with me when I was a child getting sick behind the scenes, I thank you. To my husband who has pulled the car over numerous times because I needed to get out of the car, thank you. To my kids who write me encouraging notes and give me hugs despite myself, I thank you. To my Lord and Savior who suffered anxiety before the cross and understands me, and cares for me, I’m forever grateful. To all of my counselors who have lifted me up and told me my feelings were valid, I thank you. They’ve all given me the courage and will to keep fighting.

Psalm 46:1-3

God Is Our Fortress

To the choirmaster. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A Song.

God is our refuge and strength,
    a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
    though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
    though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah