So, my husband comes home for lunch today, which is a blessing in itself, and I am searching through the freezer and pantry looking for something, anything remotely edible that could count as lunch for him. Have you ever done this? Please say yes. The husband is crafty, finds some shredded chicken, a few accessories and makes himself some chicken salad. BAM! Lunch is served. It’s what he does. And he is so good at it.
And I think over these last two years. Just pondering about my complete lack of desire to cook anything. Sure, I have cooked a few times here and there, and baked enough peanut butter cookies to feed a small army of children, (or just for me, let’s be real here), but I haven’t wanted to cook dinner for a while. You get me? Like complete-cooking-funk-that-never-ends. Maybe it’s because of the 4 straight years of cooking I did while my hubby was getting his PhD, or maybe it’s because I have been so anxious for these last two years that the mere thought of cooking sends me immediately into “nap mode”. Maybe it’s because after a full day, making sure my kiddos get breakfast and lunch, and a snack every five milliseconds, I am tapped out. I could list tons of excuses and it honestly is probably a combination of all the things.
But today I sat down and wrote out some meals. What is this called again? Oh yes, a meal plan. Long time no see, meal plan. Long time no see, Rachael Ray meals. Long time no see, energy.
It is so good to see you again today.
And I am pleased for a moment because here I am, pinteresting up my gluten-free dinners I have never tried and thinking I may actually try these after all! (Cue happy dance along with a face full of shock! I said I pinned. It usually ends there.)
Then my brain starts looking at the Thursday and Friday dinners, and my heart sinks. I am already afraid I will not want to cook on those days. What if I do not feel like doing this tomorrow? What if I am too tired tomorrow? What if I am completely unmotivated tomorrow (again)?
And I have to remember that today I am ready. Today I feel motivated. And yes, my to-do list is long. I need to clean bathrooms, chauffeur my kiddos, do the never-ending laundry for the hiding trolls who apparently live in my home, work in the garden, keep my kids alive, etc, etc. And I realize that I will never completely finish this “to-do” list of mine. And I admit that I may feel like Chick-Fil-A (again) on Friday. Those waffle fries and lemonade though…
But I can be thankful. Today God has given me grace, motivation, and joy. He has given me a hubby who enjoys cooking. I know, I am spoiled. He has given me children who will eat dinosaur shaped nuggets from the frozen foods section. (Okay, they love them.) And it is OKAY if I can’t cook every meal, or don’t feel up to it tomorrow. (It really is okay.)
And this brings me back to what I am working on as of late. I am trying to be in the present moment more. Blocking out my fears about tomorrow, and the next day. Just be here. Watch my kids play and be present with them in their fun. When I am talking with a friend, to hear them, and be in their life for that moment in time instead of thinking about what I am going to say next (or how I am going to give them advice they didn’t ask for). To look at the beautiful blue sky and be grateful for another pretty day. To tell my brain I am not going to worry about that right now. That I know August is coming with a LOT of work to do, and I will get there slowly but surely, but right now my daughter wants me to listen to a crazy dream she had last night and I need to listen. I need to put my phone down more. To block out the discouraging thoughts more. And to be here more. Be here, where God has placed me to be right now. And do this as best I can.
To be more PRESENT.
I love Matthew 6:26.
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