So this is 40…

I was sure I would cry the morning I turned 40 years old. I was now “Over the hill.” I was officially old-ish. I was not looking like I was twenty years ago. Now I am searching for a good eye cream that will hide the crow lines and moisturizers to hide the unpleasant parts of my face. Confession: I have to take a picture of where I’ve parked now so I won’t forget. I am that kind of old.

But my friend reminded me that our children look up to us and watch how we “age.” Do we embrace it? Are we doing it gracefully or in mourning? Are we taking it in and enjoying the next phase of life or dreading it before it even has a chance to begin? And she had a good point. I want my daughter to see me age with grace but also with a thankful heart. I’m grateful to the Lord for the years He has given me and I am excited to learn more while I’m here.

I’ve been given more writing opportunities lately and this has given me so much encouragement. I’ve loved to write, ever since I was a kid. So to be given the opportunity to do so has been an honor. In many ways, I am still figuring out what I want to do when I “grow up.”

Most recently I was asked to write an article about an ear piercing place opening in downtown Charleston. Here I am, a 40 year old mom, being asked to cover this hip new shop. I was so grateful for the opportunity and wasn’t going to pass it up. The thing I was thinking about passing up was the actual piercing part. But over the last few months, I have been reading different articles about various ear piercings aiding with migraines, anxiety and even depression. There are pressure points on the ear specifically and studies being done to see if piercings in any of these locations on the ear have a direct effect on lessening negative feelings, pain, or emotions. The jury is still out but I figure if I can help negate my anxiety in any way, I’ll do it. So the plan was to go in that shop and get the piercing.

I prayed all the way to the ear piercing place. Praying that anxiety would not stand in my way anymore. It has disrupted times in my life that are supposed to be joyful and fun. It sneaks in and steals joy from simple moments with friends and family making it impossible for me to just relax and take in the moment. I am 40, and I am done. I asked the Lord to remind me of His presence. And no, I wasn’t praying just about the piercing, as I figured I would either go through with it or not and either way would be okay. But I was looking at the big picture of life in a nutshell. I’m tired of being afraid all the time. I am tired of having joyful moments ripped away from me.

So I arrive at the ear piercing place quickly realizing I am probably the second oldest person there. But honestly, everyone is so nice that it doesn’t even matter anymore. Or maybe I just don’t care anymore. Another advantage to aging. Haha! I told the piercing professionals about the piercing I wanted and why. I was given honest answers (basically, the results are different for everyone) but that my ear really wasn’t the proper size for that kind of piercing. So I really thought that was my way out of this pain and I would be leaving with some handshakes and pictures and a happy article. But then I remembered that I’m done being scared. So I huffed my oils, ate some Sour Patch Kids, drank some water and decided to try a different piercing they recommended. And I was honest with these complete strangers about my anxiety. About my excellent “passing out” skills. They weren’t scared. So it made me less scared. And all went well. I got the piercing. I didn’t even have to lie down afterwards. Who am I?!?

So I truly was proud of myself but also thought…why did I just do this? I am an enneagram 6, I over analyze all of my decisions in life, whether it be which car to purchase or does that shoe truly fit my foot correctly? You don’t want to be inside my head.

I went home and looked up the possible benefits of a conch piercing which is the one I got. I found that it can possibly aid with “muscle relaxation.” (I am constantly unclinching my fists, reminding myself to relax, and not be stiff.) Another possible benefit was to aid with chronic pain. (Pain usually brings on anxiety and panic for me.) It was so interesting how I went in for one type of piercing and came out with another, and now am finding out it may have been the better choice. But even if all the ear piercing acupuncture stuff is hullabaloo, simply a placebo effect or literally does nothing for me physically/mentally, the experience is now forever in my mind. The memory is there. That piercing is a special reminder for me now in a weird but wonderful way.

I’m not telling you to go get pierced (although I do recommend “Studs” in downtown Charleston if you do want one). What I am saying is that sometimes it’s okay to stomp our feet and say “Lord, I am done with this fear. I know it may never go away completely. But please remind me of your presence. Let that overshadow these feelings of panic and doubt in my mind.”

Will I ever have another panic attack? Possibly. Will I still be on anxiety meds? Probably. But am I going to try to live my life differently? Absolutely. I’m never too old to learn. I’m never too old to change. I’m never too old to show my children that the Lord’s presence is a gift and we need to cherish it every day.

So this is 40, huh? It’s not so bad after all.

2 Corinthians 3:17 says, “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

My Word (not resolution) for 2022

Do you make new year’s resolutions?  I used to make one every year, but then became quickly disappointed in myself when I didn’t follow through…by February or sooner.  But according to statistics, I am not alone!  My editor at Lowcountry Parent magazine told me some interesting facts about this:

Studies have shown that less than 25% of the population stays committed to their resolutions after thirty days and only 8% accomplish them!  Wow. It feels good to not be alone in my failures if I am being honest here. Haha! However, if you are in the 8% of the population, I applaud you and encourage you to continue!  If you are in the other 92% like I am, that struggles to come up with a resolution-much less stick to one-then let’s try something different for 2022.

Several years ago, some of my family members encouraged me to choose a word for the new year instead of a resolution.  It could be any word that mirrored a goal or something to press towards in the new year.  Since then, I have chosen several words that have helped me grow mentally, physically, and spiritually.   All these words have encouraged me and helped me remain focused on a healthy goal throughout the year.  One year my word was present.  I was so tired of worrying about the future or being stuck in the past.  I truly wanted to live in the present.  Last year my word was bold, and I guess it’s a good thing since we made a major family move and lived through a pandemic!  For 2022, my year is peace.  I want my heart, soul and mind to be more at peace in the coming year.  With all that is going on in the world, I know this will be challenging.   I am expecting it to be truly difficult, actually. But just because peace is my word for the year, doesn’t mean I will be at peace in time for 2023. It just means I will be focusing on this word, and reminding myself to seek peace each day. I’ll be praying for the Lord to give me His peace every day. I will strive towards maintaining peace in my life and household. I believe it will help me breathe, take things slowly and even work on self-care which I usually stink at doing. 

There are several ways you can try choosing a word for 2022.  You can choose one on your own for individual growth or you can choose one word together as a family that you want to focus on for the upcoming year.  If you choose one individually, you can set aside a special dinnertime to share the words you’ve chosen with the family.  Sometimes it helps to have encouragement from those you love when it comes to challenging ourselves with a goal or priority.  For children, they can choose a word, a fruit of the spirit, a Bible verse, a character trait or even a positive affirmation.  There are so many ways you can make this work for family members of all ages.  Sometimes families like to create goals and plans together.  If this sounds like a good idea to you, your family can set aside time to discuss goals and values.  Together, you can come up with ideas for a family word or two for the new year.  Yes, you can choose more than one.  You can even choose a phrase!  It is completely up to you.  

I find that choosing a word is a lot less intimidating, and much more helpful than trying to keep a resolution for 365 days.  Especially when February comes around and my resolutions had already failed.  You can’t really fail at a word.  It is meant to be inspiring, and goal focused.  And setting goals is always a healthy practice for everyone, right?  

Let’s make a resolution not to make any more resolutions from now on and choose words as goals instead. What will your word or phrase be for 2022?  Tell me in the comments!

John 14:27 says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

Follow my family’s adventures in Charleston, SC on Instagram: momaboutcharleston

Processing 2020

I was honored to be asked to be on my friend’s podcast, Pause Renew Next again this past week. The first time I was on her podcast was over two years ago, and we chatted in depth about my anxiety struggle at that time. When she asked me to be on it again this year, and share about our year in the RV and my current anxiety situation, I thought…people will be so sad to hear that my anxiety has reared its ugly head again. See, my anxiety ebbs and flows. And after this past year, we have probably all felt and experienced some anxiety. Throw a few major location changes in there for our family personally, and it’s no wonder my body and brain are just now processing it all.

Last year, I had to remain strong. I was in survival mode almost. We had to move away from our friends and home of the past five years. It was just the beginning of the pandemic. And it was weird. I was VERY sad, but I was unusually calm. I wasn’t so worried about getting sick. I wasn’t overly anxious about living in an RV. I was fairly dare I say, “chill?” At least for me. Haha! My husband may beg to differ on that, but I digress. But it was lonely. We are not made to live alone. We were made to be in community with one another. So when community was cancelled last year, it did a number on all of us. Even the introverts. And then survival mode put me mentally and physically into full gear, using all cylinders. I don’t know about you, but all of my energy was spent homeschooling my children and making sure they were taken care of during the weirdest year they have probably ever experienced to date. A year they will never forget, I’m sure. If you’re a parent or not, you get what I’m saying. So last year was like a very long sprint. Trying desperately to make it out alive on the other side.

So once we moved into our home in Charleston, my anxiety came back with a vengeance. My brain and body finally had time to digest the past year and a half of the million changes and upheaval we had experienced. It was like my brain was finally allowed out of its survival mode, my body was finally released from the sprint, and I was being allowed to start recovery mode. Needless to say, it was a lot to process at once. I am still processing it all.

If you find yourself never wanting to take a moment to stop…you may have a lot to process and recover from. If you find yourself anxious when it appears to be a time where you should be “fine”, make sure to give yourself grace. Anxiety builds over time. And God has given us a unique ability in times of trial to press on. Thankfully, there is hope and there is help available.

So be gracious to yourself, okay? You made it through 2020, friends! And if you’re still processing it like I am, that is completely understandable. If it is effecting your quality of life, talk to a therapist. Talk to your doctor. Mental health matters and it shouldn’t be ignored like it has been for over a year. I will say it over and over again that our mental and physical health are intertwined. One should never be separated from the other. The authorities at be have definitely ignored mental health for over a year, and it needs to stop.

So hold your head up high. You made it a LONG way. You are still here and it is almost Christmas of 2021. Decorate the heck out of your house. Put lights in trees that have never seen lights before. Let your house be seen from space! This Christmas my family will be praising the Lord for bringing His only Son into this dark world, and for walking with us through the pandemic. No, it’s not completely over, but we have the King on our side. He will continue to help you process 2020 and continue through the rest of 2021.

II Thessalonians 3: 3 says, “But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.”

My podcast episode will air in December. I will keep you updated on when it is live. In the meantime, you can hear other encouraging stories of faith on the Pause, Renew Next podcast by Ginny Detweiler.

Find my family and I on instagram at: MomaboutCharleston