Sometimes when we are going through a difficult season we need to take a moment and FEEL it. I know that sounds weird. But we need to acknowledge the season we are in, call out the challenges, and take moments to be proud of ourselves for making those small steps toward healing and success. No matter how small it may seem.
Speaking of small triumphs, my husband drove the car a few times the other day with me in the passenger seat. This may seem like a silly achievement for some, but for me it was huge. Being “trapped” is one of my panic triggers and being in a car where I am not driving and concentrating on where we are going, but left to sit in the passenger seat and worry about having a panic attack has been an issue for me again these last few months. After he drove, I got out of the car with a smile on my face, and acknowledged the fact that I am strong and I did it. Even if it was a short car ride.
On Sunday, the pastor was saying things that directly related to my current season of life. I acknowledged the connection, and let the tears flow. I needed to feel the words and let my emotions happen. Trying to hide our struggles and our emotions can become utterly exhausting. And honestly, it makes anxiety worse. I would rather people just understand that I am struggling right now than try to act like everything is sunshine and rainbows. Because then I am worried about “what if” I start to panic? And “what if” my anxiety rears it’s ugly head and these people see it and start wondering what is wrong with me? Letting people you trust understand the struggles you’re facing can be healthy. They can be praying for you, and prayer is powerful. It can also let them know why you’re saying “no” to certain outings or events. If the person shuns you for your struggles, or backs away because they think you’re a psychopath, then they probably weren’t a good friend to begin with, and you can move on. There will be people to support you, pray for you, and check in with you and those are the people you want in your inner circle. Some people have too much going on in their own lives to feel like they can carry the burden of knowing you’re in a challenging season, and that’s okay too. It doesn’t mean they don’t care, it may just mean their cup is full and they literally can’t put anything else on their plate right now. I would rather someone be honest about that then wreck themselves trying to support me. We should ask others if they can handle a venting session before we give them one. Some people have the space to listen and some people don’t. Let’s respect one another’s boundaries and make sure everyone’s heart is ready to hear tough stuff before we let it all out.
Fighting every negative feeling isn’t healthy nor is it helpful. There is a lot going on in our world right now, much less our personal lives. Adding the two together can seem almost unbearable at times. So give yourself time to process what’s going on in your personal life and the world around us when you’re ready to do that. And then take one day at a time, knowing that the Lord is walking this journey with you. He may not take all the tragedies and panic attacks away, but He is right there with us in the midst of them. This alone is so comforting. I recognize where I am currently, and know that it’s not where I want to stay. I challenge myself but also know my limits. I have a long ways to go, but every step forward is a victory worth celebrating. I am thankful for a personal Lord and Savior who is with me every step of the way.
When I saw the gorgeous steps of this Bed and Breakfast in downtown Charleston it reminded me of taking steps every day to improve my quality of life, become more courageous and achieve those triumphs however big or small pertaining to my anxiety. While my children and I were looking at the beautiful flowers and ironwork of this B&B, we also were able to hear the church bells starting ringing at the beautiful church nextdoor. I’m not Catholic, but I admire these people coming in for mass in the middle of the day. The church bells ringing were a beautiful sound. It was all very reverent but comforting.
I have had bad bouts of anxiety in the past, and many times they come after a major change in my life. (a.k.a. Moving to a new place!) It happened after a previous move so I guess I expected it to happen again. As much as I hate that it is happening again, I also can look back and see that the Lord, counseling, medicine and hard work got me through it in the past. So, I have hope and comfort this time knowing that I can get through this too. I don’t have to be stagnant in this anxiety ridden place. And the only reason I share my personal journey is in order to help others who also may be in a valley right now. A difficult place where they need to hear comfort and hope. Remember we serve a God who never sleeps. Who is always watching over us. And who welcomes our emotions. (Jesus felt them too. So glad He “gets” me.) So I will lean in and FEEL this experience and be grateful for the small steps to healing.
Psalm 121 : My Help Comes from the Lord
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.
Mom About Charleston 